Remembering Wanderer
by Newfoundland Novelist
Summary: When everyone Wanda cares about is dead Wanda knows there is only one thing worth doing. She becomes a "mother" for other souls. Her memory of the goodness of her human friends carries onto her children, and this story is how the memories effect them.
1. Chapter 1: Memories

**Chapter 1: Memories  
**

Memories filled my mind, swirling and churning until I thought I was far past overwhelmed. Emotions I'd never felt before were blossoming within my newborn body. It was strange here already as I tried to absorb everything I could without opening my eyes. There was a strange smell that I couldn't place, with only slightly familiar voices talking around me. It was not my memory of them, I realized, but _hers_.

I could see glimpses of ten different planets, ten different lives, and yet only one place of contentment. I could hear a human… no, a _host_ arguing with _her_ internally. As new as I was I was quite certain hosts were supposed to be gone when we arrived.

I saw moments of heat and passion between two humans with unscarred necks and flat colored eyes and saw an unexplainable love to the others in the fleeting memories. I could see the memory of _her_ final goodbye to her friends, the memories of waking up again. A boy reappeared in each that seemed important, always smiling beside her.

I could see what had followed; the love with the human, the friendship with the others. I saw her deceit to the other souls and even began remembering far more humans still present.

I saw the little boy die with a smile still on his lips, his hands clutching onto _her_ and another girl, the host body that was somehow again itself. I could see the host body die too, along with many other humans who meant only a little to my subconscious.

Finally I saw a very, very old human with her for the last time, tears standing in his kind eyes. I could hear _her_ comforting him, bidding him farewell with the explanation that it was all for the best. I could see _her_ laying down in a Healer's ward for the last time, smiling in a melancholy sort of way as _she_ waited for her final death to come.

I gasped and my eyes opened in panic, staring around the room.

"Hello, little one," A Healer said gently, "Welcome to Earth."

I shuddered as the memories retreated slowly from my mind, still leaving a strange feeling of determination behind. I could see a group of kind souls standing around me, and yet my heart yearned suddenly to find the humans that had seemed so vivid in my mind.

"Your mother was a very wise soul, young one. Falling Star was her name. A truly amazing traveler."

I shook my head slowly, golden curls bouncing in an annoying fashion with each movement of my head. "Her name was Wanda."

The healers stared at me in surprise, and I immediately wondered if I'd said something wrong. "The soul's called her Wanderer," I clarified in a whisper.

My eyes were locked on the healer's face, wondering why he looked so surprised.

"Wanderer?" He repeated in surprise, thinking this over. "A fitting name, I suppose, though unlikely. I was told that soul disappeared in the desert, never to be found."

"I have her memories," I pointed out softly, "She was found."

The Healer did not argue, only shrugged a little and began to clean up his workspace. "Would you like to name yourself, or keep your hosts name?"

It only then occurred to me that it was not only my mother's memories swirling in my head to the point of distraction. I let them wash over me again, listening to my host's story.

To say the least, it was not as interesting as my mother's was. Looking for the first time at my hands I realized that I was a child not only in mind, but in physique. There was no experience or wisdom from my host, only a few hazy memories of playing at the park with other children yet to be turned to Souls. There was nothing remarkable about her soul parents, or even about her last times before becoming a host. There was no one speaking to me in the back of my mind like my mother had clearly been plagued with. I didn't like it.

"I don't know her name," I said truthfully. No matter which memory I searched for, I couldn't seem to hear anyone speak my name. All I heard was the praise of parents and the teasing of human children.

"Well, would you like to make one up then?" He asked gently, still smiling like every other soul in the room.

I was about to give up my search and pick a new name before I finally found it. Deep in my host's memory I could hear her final few thoughts as her parents took her to be "sacrificed".

_"It will be alright, Honey. Everything will be alright." Her mother cooed to the frightened child, stroking her hair. "You'll always be my baby… You'll always be Honey."_

_I realized for the first time why I hadn't been able to locate a name. It had sounded too much like the nicknames every parent used._

"Honey," I said softly, "Her… _My _name is Honey."


	2. Chapter 2: Repetition

Chapter 2: Repetition

I was introduced to a Seeker before I left, a soul whose host was a rather young adult. She had a kinder face than other hosts, and the usual smile that all souls had seemed more trustworthy than most. There was something about her that made me feel completely comfortable saying anything.

"It is our suggestion you return to live with your host's parents to keep things normal. Is that alright with you?" She asked me as I was preparing myself to leave. I nodded, remembering the caring souls from Honey's memory.

"Excellent, I'll let them know immediately." Without another word she left me in the waiting room, still smiling as she walked out. I looked around the room, taking everything in as slowly as I could. I had seen this room before in my mind only briefly, remembering it from my mother's thoughts. I supposed that most healing areas must look similar, and yet couldn't help wondering if it was the same room.

Inside the cabinets I imagined the healing canisters, each simply labeled to avoid confusion. I could remember only faintly why my mother had been here; to save a human. Jamie, I realized with a touch of sadness. A human I would never meet.

The Seeker came back with my new parents in tow, both smiling hesitantly at me.

"It's nice to meet you," I said politely. My parents beamed at me, obviously ecstatic to be accepted so quickly. I wondered why they ever made their daughter a host if they would miss her this much…

"What's your name, dear," The mother said kindly, seeming to catch herself before addressing me like her daughter.

"Honey, just like my hosts. It's a pretty name." I could see pride swell in the two souls again. Whether or not it was the fact that they were trapped in human bodies, I could tell the usual parenting emotions were just as strong in our kind as theirs.

We finished introductions, and my parents, eager to take me home, stood impatiently beside me while the Seeker explained my instructions.

"It is rumored that there are humans in the area, and there have been disappearances all around. If you see anything, or find anything through memories we encourage that you call us and let us know."

I thought of the humans from my mother's memory and frowned. "What will you do if we do find something? What will you do to the humans?"

"We will take care of the resistance," She said simply, her smile suddenly less trustworthy. She hadn't answered my question directly, and I immediately realized that couldn't be a good thing. Looking her directly in the eyes I couldn't help but give a warning.

"Not every soul thinks its right to murder the species that's supposed to live here," I said softly. "You should remember that."

I could feel three pairs of startled eyes on me and immediately felt embarrassed. "I'm sorry, I must be tired. Can we go?" I said quickly, my human emotions continuing to get the better of me while I blushed. I could feel my Seekers suspicious look behind me and immediately felt ashamed of myself. What right did I have to condemn the souls when I was one of them? My life had only just begun… Did I really plan to hate it so soon?

I saw my Healer walking by me in the hallway as my make-shift family walked away. "Wait!" I called, stepping in front of him. He stopped, looking pleasantly surprised.

"Honey," He said with perfect recognition. "What's the matter?"

"How many of my 'siblings' are here?" I asked desperately. His expression was puzzled, but I was thankful that he answered my question.

"None of them. Most ended up on the fire and ice planets. Your mother asked that one of her children stay here. She stressed to us that only one soul should remain though, and absolutely no more than that."

"Thank you," I whispered, quickly returning to my rightful place between my new mother and father. I thought over what my Healer had told me. why was I the only soul of Wanderer that was left on earth? Why would she be so set on leaving me here by myself to ponder through her unpredictable memories? What was I supposed to do exactly? Find the humans?

"I want to go home," I whispered, a strange system of caves entering my mind. Quickly I shook it away, wondering when the memories were supposed to stop coming up so easily. I supposed that I would only have Wanderer's memories until I made some of my own.

Despite my strange heritage I was able to function in a mostly normal way. The body of a child did not bother me as much as some simply because in many ways I was still a child, and it was somehow easier to look the part. Even with my young age though, my parents began accepting that I grew and learned at a much faster rate than their human child. It wasn't very long before I was running errands simply to escape the boredom of my house.

"Good Morning, Honey," a neighbor said politely.

"Good Morning, Walks On Water," I said in the same tone.

"Good Morning, Honey," a boy my age said as I walked by him. "Are you well?"

"I am thank you," I said with a forced smile, "Good Morning, Daniel."

"Good Morning, Honey," an older man said as I walked by. It became clear that I went on the same errands to the same place too often. Even when I went somewhere new, where they did not know my name, it was relatively the same conversations. Each lasted longer, though, because we had to introduce ourselves.

By the time I reached the grocery store I was only half-smiling, wondering faintly what I could do. I didn't understand why normal soul interaction was not helping me to grow. For some unexplainable reason, I was tired of the polite, cheerful expressions everyone had. For some odd reason, I wanted someone to get angry for once.

As I went to the counter and handed the loaf of bread to the clerk I saw him accidentally bump into a shelf behind him. The contents were strewn all over the floor, and I found myself smiling hopefully for the first time. I realized with a painful guilt that I was waiting for him to get annoyed by his mistake.

"Whoops, I should be more careful," He said instead, picking up a few items in amusement. Turning back to take the loaf of bread he smiled even wider, nodding to me.

"Good morning, Honey."

_I sighed._


	3. Chapter 3: Humans

Chapter 3: Humans

It was that day, while I was bored out of my mind from the politeness of my own kind, that things changed forever. I was on my way home taking the longest, most discreet way possible. It was almost like an adventure. In the attic of my host's parent's home I had found human authored books. Needless to say, though filled with unnecessary violence, they were more interesting than our books.

I imagined as I was walking that I was the character in my latest book. Looking at the dark alley ahead of me I pictured danger at every turn with untrustworthy people all around me. It was a hard idea to sell considering how warm every person's smile was as I passed by. All the same, I simply assumed my imagination had gotten the best of me when a van stopped in front of me and a man stepped out.

It wasn't until I heard the man only a few feet away from me that I realized I was not imagining things. Immediately my memory skipped, remembering a time similar to this from my mother's memory.

He was a different person, that much was obvious. None of the people watching me apprehensively were anything like what my mother remembered. Even so, there was no doubt in my mind what would happen when the man reached me.

My eyes searched for the cloth I knew the man, the human, must be holding and I was satisfied to find it clutched in his hand. I knew that he would use the cloth to knock me unconscious.

I knew that I should yell for help, or at least quickly walk in the other direction. Instead I stood and marveled at the subtle differences between the human and the souls I'd seen.

Though fairly certain he could have blended in if he'd needed to, I was just as sure that at the moment he was as far from a soul as it was possible to be. There was absolutely no way that a soul could wear the sure of himself smirk this human exhibited, nor could a soul frown in suspicion from the van as the human girl seemed to be doing.

Realizing these subtle differences I knew again that I should escape. It was too late to nonchalantly walk away, but I was pondering the possibility that I could outrun the large human if I was panicked enough. Finally I decided it was impossible, though part of me could feel a strange happiness at the sighting of the human.

It was only when I remembered what happened after I woke up that I froze in fear, staring wordlessly at the human approaching. I could picture myself floating in the cryotank while I wanted for my next, much less interesting life to begin.

That was what really made me panic: the fact that no other place could be this interesting.

Hadn't I been complaining of boredom only moments ago? What would it be like to be on a planet like the flowers where you couldn't move or speak, could just live. Could I even hesitate to wonder at the boredom I'd find there?

"Stop," I ordered in my best impression of a confident voice. The human only sauntered forward a little more quickly, smiling gently now.

"I'll scream that I'm being attacked by humans if you don't stop," I said instead, taking a step back. "I'll tell everyone where your hideout is."

The human hesitated, and then stopped. I smiled, feeling triumphant. I could see he doubted that I had this knowledge, and yet my obvious realization at what he and his group were had clearly staggered him. The reasonable part of me hoped he was turn and run to his car never to return. Unfortunately, my memories were still the strongest part of my mind, and all I could seem to think of was my mother's memories of human interaction.

"Why would you scream that?" The human asked in a strained voice. It was clear that he knew he had said his comeback too late.

"Because you're humans. I can tell by the way you act, and now by your hesitation. Souls would have corrected me immediately, comforted me, even. The fact that you're afraid of my accusation proves it." I explained, realizing that I wanted to impress the human.

He stared at me in surprise, suddenly frowning darkly. The expression scared me, and I was immediately wishing I'd chosen to run. He gave a little nod, which only confused me more.

"Who told you?" He asked, clearly angry now. I opened my mouth to answer, to tell him that no one had told me necessarily, but that I had my mother's memories.

A cloth went over my mouth as I inhaled to speak, and immediately I felt myself falling weightlessly to the ground. The last thing I saw was the human's boots as he closed the last few feet between us. Even drugged I could feel his furious stare searing into me.


	4. Chapter 4: Caves

Chapter 4: Caves

I woke up in a dimly lit, circular space that's walls were speckled with holes. However, the most important part of what I observed was that I woke up. This was so vital because it meant I wasn't helplessly frozen in a cryotank. Once over my initial relief at this fact, I began realizing the true gravity of my situation.

Thinking back I tried to remember what I had seen and heard just before I'd fallen asleep. In a rush I remembered the humans, the van, and the cloth with the strange substance that knocked souls unconscious.

With a start I realized that the reason the room was dimly lit rather than completely black was because I was not alone. Just across the room from me sat a human who was glaring at me with a shocking amount of fury.

"Good, you're awake." It was clearly no concern over my well being that the human spoke, but rather that he would finish some unpleasant task as quickly as possible.

"Where am I?" I asked, unable to help myself. Something about the room was familiar to me, but now that I had my own troubles, I could feel my mother's memories less strongly. Struggling I realized where I'd seen the cave before and immediately wished I'd never tried to remember.

"I'll ask questions, you give answers." He said firmly. "Who told you about us? How do you know about humans?"

I blinked slowly, still rather sleepy from the drugs they'd given me. "My mother's memories," I said at last, wishing I understood why the human was even more spiteful as I spoke. "Wanderer."

The reaction was immediate and it wasn't long before I wished I'd never spoken. As if in slow motion I saw him throw something with perfect aim, then heard the shattering of glass only inches away from me.

"Do not lie." He snarled, his voice angrier than I'd heard it yet. I was even more confused, curling my legs under me so that I felt less exposed. Again I was aware of how small my host body was compared to others, the misfortunes of looking like a child. I knew without considering my options that escape would be hopeless.

"I'm not lying," I said calmly, suddenly glad I was a soul instead of a human. It was much easier to remain calm when faced with death if you believed everyone was good. "I was created from Wanderer's memories. The equivalent for souls is what humans call a 'mother'."

The human seemed angry by the truth, though I didn't know what else to say. I wouldn't lie to him and tell him what he wanted to hear. More importantly, I couldn't lie even if my life had depended on it. I didn't know how to.

The man was pacing now, seeming to consider his options. As he turned to look down the dark tunnel behind him I realized for the first time that the girl from the van was also here, just hidden out of sight.

"Layla?" the human called to her helplessly. I watched as the girl walked slowly into view, glaring at me with the same unexplainable dislike the man had.

"We should have just done the usual," She said angrily, not troubling to keep her voice low. "She's not going to tell us the truth, Ethan, why bother?"

As the girl, Layla, came into view I noticed that she had dark hair that fell to her mid-back, her face one of acceptable beauty. It was similar for some reason, to another face that I remembered.

"She's a soul though," He pointed out softly, "She can't lie, can she?"

"She could be a Seeker," Layla pointed out stubbornly, "She probably is."

I was getting tired out being talked about as if I wasn't sitting in front of them. "I'm not a Seeker," I tried to assure them. "I'm just a soul."

They both ignored me, still pondering over what to do.

"Wanda wouldn't have risked giving us away," Ethan insisted. "Surely you agree with that, Layla?" Layla only shook her head a little, glaring at me.

"Get Doc," She said at last. "He'll know if she's telling the truth. I don't have enough experience with the parasites to know the difference in speech. They always sound unbearably naive to me."

The name "Doc" sparked something within me, but I didn't dare try and retrieve the memory. I was afraid of what I would find within it. Even so, Ethan left to get "Doc", leaving Layla staring coldly at me.

"Couldn't you have lied about someone else?" She said softly, seeming exasperated with me. "Anyone else?"

"Excuse me?"

"Why Wanda? Why would you pick Wanda to put in the spot of traitor? Why torture Ethan more than he already has been over that idiotic soul's decision?" She demanded, her tone holding only a little anger. "I thought souls were supposed to be overly kind."

"We are," I said immediately, still confused. "I didn't "pick" anyone. Wanderer… Wanda, was my mother. It's her memories I have more strongly than even my Host's. That's how I knew about this place, and humans. I know what she remembered."

"Do you know me?" Layla asked curiously, unable to help herself.

I shook my head, baffled by the way she smiled wickedly in response. "I don't think so. There are a lot of memories, though." I thought through everything I'd gotten from my mother, coming up with no pictures of the evil seeming human in front of me. Finally, after searching the earliest memories my mother had as a human I remembered why the face seemed familiar.

"Melanie!" I gasped, shocked by what I had overlooked. Layla's face fell, immediately suspicious again. On closer inspection I realized that this girl could not possibly be Melanie for age alone, yet also in features. Though similar, there were clear differences in her facial features, the way she spoke, and even the way she held herself. It was clear to me that they must be related, though how closely, I wasn't sure.

Layla didn't have time to respond, for at that moment Ethan returned, an elderly man being tugged along behind him. As soon as I looked at him I remembered the last memory my mother had in the caves. It was her bidding goodbye to him after explaining her plans. I could almost hear her in my mind making him promise not to reveal her true intentions as she left. I could hear him stuttering agreement, obviously reluctant to fulfill such a promise. Now, looking at him for the first time through my own eyes, I saw a man far kinder than I'd been able to grasp through memories. Even before I really remembered Doc from the many times he'd helped Wanda I knew I trusted him. I suddenly felt much safer.

"Hello, Doc," I said without thinking. "Have you kept your promise?"


	5. Chapter 5: Doc

Chapter 5: Doc

Doc looked at me strangely a moment, glancing hesitantly at Layla and Ethan before walking very slowly towards me.

"Don't get too close," Layla cautioned, "She might be dangerous."

Doc laughed, and I found that it was the nicest sound my new ears had ever heard. "A dangerous soul?" He said in amusement, his gaze never leaving mine. "A child nonetheless?"

"The parasites aren't usually the age they appear to be," Layla pointed out grudgingly. "She could still be a seeker."

"I already told you I'm not!" I insisted angrily. Though Layla angrily opened her mouth to retort, Doc was already speaking.

"Of course you're not," He agreed easily. "There's no reason for anyone to get upset. We're not going to hurt you."

Somehow even coming from the kind-faced man I couldn't help noticing the murderous stare I was receiving from the other two humans. I forced myself to remember that, unlike souls, humans could lie.

"Now then, you seem to know my name, yet I can't recall meeting you." He said gently.

I wanted to answer, but Layla beat me to it. "It knows your name because we said it. Really, Doc, you think you'd forget meeting a soul this puny?"

Doc only shrugged, staring at me still. "Have we met?" he pressed.

"I, Honey, have never met you," I said slowly. I didn't pause between sentences, however, for fear that Layla would again interrupt. "My mother knew you, though. Seeing you is the last memory I have from her."

"Who is your mother, little one?" He asked in the same kind voice. We both ignored Layla when she made a hissing sound, though only I could have known it was a warning.

"Wanderer."

There was no hesitation in my voice, and for that I hoped I would convince Ethan of the truth. For some unexplainable reason I was desperate for him to come to terms with my existence despite Layla's anger.

Doc's mouth made a tight little line as his lips pressed together. He seemed to be considering how best to answer, finally changing tactics all together.

"What promise was it that you were asking me about then, Honey?" He asked, seeming to remember my informal introduction. "I assume you meant a promise to Wanda, but I made so many, and my age has made me forgetful of which have been fulfilled."

I wasn't sure what to say exactly. It was hardly a secret that Wanda had become a mother soul any longer, and yet making him betray the secret when it was obvious he had not seemed wrong. Still, I was a soul, and lying was as foreign to me as the trust seemed to be to these humans.

"You promised Wanda that you wouldn't tell anyone about her decision," I said carefully. "She said goodbye to you and apologized. She explained why she went… She wanted you to understand, and you said you did. She said everyone she loved was dead, so there was no reason to stay any longer." My voice shook while I talked, but I wasn't sure why.

"She's lying!" Ethan shouted furiously. I hadn't noticed how close he'd gotten to me until I saw him even with Doc, pointing at me like I was some convict on trial. "She wouldn't say that. Wanda would never say that if I was still here! You know she wouldn't Doc! She would never do that! Layla's right, we should have done the usual without all this nonsense!"

I could see an unexplainable hurt when Ethan realized his faulty judgment, and for a curious reason I felt hurt too.

"No, she's not." Doc answered simply, his tone suddenly grave. I could see betrayal in both younger humans as their turned their fury upon Doc. I wanted to stand and protect the man, though I doubted my pathetic size would do much to persuade them against hurting him.

I supposed I misjudged the human brutality, though, because neither moved. They both just stood staring at him like he was as foreign to them as I was.

"She made me promise," He said weakly, trying to avoid the devastation that emitted form Ethan's gaze. "You know how she could be. She'd never made a decision for herself in her life. How could I deny her the one decision she'd always wanted to make? How could I tell her 'no' when she wanted nothing but to share her knowledge with the universe? How could it endanger us if she made the souls promise to send her children far from here?"

"She came to say goodbye to me the night before she left. She told me everything she planned to do and how she would do it." Looking up at Ethan at last Doc added, "She thought you were dead, Ethan. She never would have left if she'd known. They came back and said that you'd been killed the trip that you were on when she left. Wanda thought that her entire family had died. She truly believed that the best good she could do the universe was to die herself. She wanted to find out if she could join them wherever we end up. I doubted it, considering how a soul's personality becomes split, but she wanted so badly for her experiences to not go to waste. She said that all her lives she'd been selfish not wanting to be a mother, and that she couldn't bear dying the last time knowing she'd never made it up to her own kind."

"She wanted one of her 'children' to stay here, though I tried to dissuade her from the idea. Wanda was absolutely convinced that, with her memories, the soul in question would have no choice but to share her views of humans. She wanted her child to come and help us just like she'd helped us in the past. She kept hoping that somehow that little shadow of herself could change how things were."

"In all retrospect, it was her dying wish. I hadn't kept my promise to let Melanie be her final host, so I felt obligated to let her die the way she chose. There have been times that I've wished I had a selfless way to die myself. A way that wasn't like suicide and was in every idea just another cycle of the universe."

"This soul, Honey, is the earthbound child with Wanda's memories. I would place my life on it. No one knew of my agreement except Wanda, and I kept my promise not to tell until Honey ruined it first."

The room was silent as Doc walked over to me. He held out his hand, smiling kindly. I didn't dare take it, just shook my head frantically.

"My Host, the first Honey, doesn't have many memories. Her voice isn't in my head at all… It never has been. She won't come back if you take me out," I whispered. "Please don't kill her. The souls that are her parents were so terribly upset by their decision. They wanted her to be a Host, but I can tell they miss her awfully. If I just never come back, they'll be even more sad." I whispered.

Doc's mouth twitched, and I realized just before the laughter began that my comment amused him. Still he held out his hand to me, and I took it reluctantly.

"We're not going to hurt you," He said gently, ignoring Layla's obvious outrage. "You don't need to fear us."

With his assistance I rose to my feet, swaying a little bit from the grogginess.

"Now then, Honey, I think proper introductions are in order," Doc said kindly. "I'm Doc, to my left is Ethan, and to my right is Layla. They'll show you around the place."

"Don't count on it," Layla growled. "We should get rid of her, Doc. She's the only thing that knows where what and where we are. Wanda didn't make us promise not to send it away, right?"

"Technically, no," Doc agreed hesitantly. "But I personally am forbidding it."

"It's not your house," Layla pointed out smugly.

"It's not yours either," Doc countered, still impressively calm.

I stared from one to another, wondering in my mind who would decide my fate.

"Jeb," I said suddenly, the name coming to mind. It was Wanda's memory again, I realized, that told me who owned the caves.

The reaction was immediate. Doc's expression turned sad while Layla and Ethan glared daggers at me again.

"Oh," I said lamely, "He's dead too?"

"Yes, he's gone." Doc agreed, his voice even quieter now.

"Then who's house is it?" I pressed, quickly becoming more and more curious.

The humans exchanged knowing looks, finally coming to some unspoken conclusion I did not understand.

"It should have been Sharon," He began softly, "But Jeb never liked the fact that she wouldn't accept Wanda. He said he wanted to pass it to someone who he knew would protect the peace as much as the humans. Then it should have been Melanie, but she died just before Jeb did. By family rights it should have gone to Layla," I noticed Layla's angry stance and barely managed not to smile, "But no matter what Jeb said, she never fully accepted a soul's presence either. After that, though, Jeb died. Since then no one has known who makes the decisions around here."

The impulse to smile immediately faded away. Did that mean by human standards that Layla was in charge because she was the last named heir? I looked at her, and my stomach knotted itself unpleasantly.

"You're Melanie's daughter," I said, realizing it for the first time. She had to be, I realized. Otherwise the line would not have gone directly from Melanie to Layla.

"Yes," Layla said suspiciously, "Why?"

I just shrugged a little, looking back at Doc. "I've just been trying to place everyone in my mind. You never liked Wanda, did you. You're hardly in her memory at all, and when you're in it, you're with your parents." It was a fact, not a question.

"It wasn't personal, I just think that we're letting outselves become soft by putting up with parasites around here." Her voice was smug, and that worried me a little. Had I already lost without realizing it?

"The fact is, it's my decision since I'm the closest relative to Jeb, right?" Layla said, looking at Doc. I was watching him too. As he looked to Layla it was clear that a new idea occurred to him, and I hoped it was in my best interest.

"When souls came in the past we always said that what became of them was up to the one with a right to the body. Since I doubt we're going to go ask Honey's parents, that leaves our only option to leaving the decision up to the one closest to the soul."

"But no one knows her!" Layla said angrily, her hands balling into fists.

"Honey soul is made up of a fragment of Wanda," Doc reminded her, looking now at Ethan. "That makes it Ethan's decision what happens to it."

I looked at Ethan too, wishing there was a way it could be Doc's decision instead. Ethan seemed to hate me almost as much as Layla did, and that didn't help me feel any better about the situation.

"It's not Wanda," He said flatly, "It's just a parasite that is using her memories to get into our heads."

"Your decision, Ethan?" Doc pressed dispassionately.

The three humans looked at me silently, each having their own thoughts about what I was. I was thinking about them, too. I was wondering how a creature could discuss something like this with so little emotion. In my mind I could see Honey's parent's faces when I didn't come back. What would they think? They would never think a soul ran away from home, and yet would they really suspect I was abducted by humans?

It wasn't until I saw my Host's face reflected in Doc's eyes that I realized I was crying.

I supposed I'd always hoped that these humans would be like the ones from the books I'd read in the attic. There was one story I remembered that a child had cried in. Immediately all of the humans had crowded around it and comforted it until it was happy again.

No one moved to comfort me.

"Your decision?" Doc repeated.

Ethan hesitated, glancing at Layla. I could see her incredulous as he thought carefully through his decision, and for the first time I decided that I disliked someone.

"I don't want it to be my decision," Ethan said very quietly. "You decide, Doc."

Doc just shook his head a little, still watching Ethan. "I have work to do. Bring Honey by when you make your decision. Whatever it is, I'd like to know." Glancing at Layla he seemed a little uneasy. "Remember how things work around here," He added severely, "If you decide to send her away you still bring her directly to me, unharmed."

Without another word he walked back into the dark of the hallway. I wanted to call after him to come back, but I knew that even if I did he wouldn't return.

Layla watched Doc leave, waiting until he was out of earshot before speaking.

"Is it really that hard of a decision, Ethan?" She demanded spitefully. "You really want a parasite to sit here and manipulate us through Wanda's memories?"

"It's my decision, and I'll make it however slowly I want," Ethan said angrily. "If you can't accept that then leave. I'll come find you when I'm done."

I could see a look of hurt flash across Layla's face for a moment before being replaced with fury.

"Fine then, have fun with your new pet." She snarled, taking off down the hallway.

It was quiet then as Ethan and I sat in the circular space. I could see he was upset, thought I didn't know what to do about it. I wanted to help, but I doubted he would appreciate my effort.

"Why is it your decision?" I asked after a half hour of silence. He seemed surprised, and then angry as he looked back towards me.

"Wanda was my mother," He said softly. I stared at him in mimicked surprise thinking what this would mean. I supposed it had been obvious, yet I hadn't wanted to believe it. Ethan was in Wanda's memory often, and he'd always seemed extremely happy. Why was he suddenly so angry now? Did he really believe Wanda had left him purposefully? I could think of only one thing to say.

_"I'm sorry."_


	6. Chapter 6: Decisions

**Chapter 6: Decisions**

"Excuse me?" Ethan demanded, turning to look at me fully for the first time.

"I'm sorry." I repeated, careful to mimic the tone I had originally used.

"Why?"

This stumped me for a minute as I stared hard into his face. There was a sadness there that didn't fit the features that had once held laughter. He seemed downright depressed.

"She was your mother, and she left without saying goodbye. She didn't mean to of course, but I guess it must have been hard for you. Since Doc couldn't tell the secret, you never knew what happened to her. It must have been terrible." I whispered at last, my eyes drifting down to look at the floor.

Ethan just stared at me another minute, shaking his head a little. "Will it really kill your host if we remove you?" He asked gently. Again my eyes drifted to meet his so that I could meet his gaze just long enough to nod.

"She was so little when she became a host… If you remove me now, she'll never come back. You'll have killed two creatures."

"Two?" He repeated suspiciously.

"Honey and I," I clarified. "I swear if I get sent to the flower planet I'll die of boredom." I can't really state what made me say it, but somehow saying sarcasm with a completely straight face was almost fun. To my great surprise, he laughed.

"You haven't been there, so how would you know?" he asked in spite of himself. I smiled a little to see him grinning the way he was. Mentally I compared this smile with the boyish grin Wanda remembered.

"I was bored on earth. I can't imagine what it would be like in a planet with even less things to focus on."

"You're… bored?" Even as a human I could tell he was perplexed by this idea. "Souls can be bored?"

I sighed a little, shrugging. "We shouldn't be able to, but I certainly am. I blame Wanda personally… The memories she had were so much more exciting than any of Honey's memories, or even than my memories that I guess I've been clinging to them. It's hard to have a real story without conflict. Right now I feel like I'm caught in the resolution of someone else's tale."

Ethan listened, his mouth twitching in a thoughtful way. I could tell he was seriously considering my situation, and that at least, comforted me.

"It's okay, you know," I whispered, staring down at my hands again. "To send me away, I mean. I won't really die… I'll live out my full lives on two or three planets, then become a mother, just like it's supposed to be for my type. I'll even avoid earth if you want. Who knows, maybe by the time I hit my third planet I'll have forgotten all about this."

From the corner of my eye I saw Ethan nod, frowning a little to myself. He'd made up his mind, and it didn't seem to be in my favor.

"Before I go, could you answer a few things for me?" I asked him softly. He nodded stiffly, and I could see the reluctance at letting me talk at all. "I'll make it quick." I assured him half-heartedly.

"Why does Layla hate me?"

Ethan's eyes raised curiously, though I wasn't entirely sure why.

"She doesn't hate you. She hates what your presence is doing to me. She's a little… overprotective. She's never liked souls much, though she made a valid effort to put up with Wanda for my sake. It's her father's fault really… Once he got Melanie back, he had no reason to pretend to like souls. He didn't hate Wanda like Layla did, but he let his stories get away from him, and she learned from them." He explained slowly.

"Her father… Is that Jared?" I asked cautiously. The name came to mind almost by request as I searched for Melanie's match in Wanda's memories.

"Yeah," Ethan agreed. "He died the same day as Melanie, actually. Layla was heartbroken, and she wanted someone to blame. Wanda made the mistake of trying to comfort her, which she should have known better than to try. It was a soul that killed them, you know."

I gasped unable to help myself. There was a grim satisfaction in the way Ethan smiled this time, seeming to guess what I was thinking.

"Wanda's memories didn't dwell on that fact, I assume?" he said gently. "It was on a raid for food. We'd been getting too careless, and it was Wanda's birthday so we insisted that she not attend. It usually wouldn't have mattered… We humans went in the soul stores all the time without problem. It was just because they ran into those seekers…

"On the way home from the raid their car was stopped for no particular reason. Apparently a seeker was standing in line behind them when they went to into the store, and noticed their eyes. When the seekers that stopped them were sure they were human, Melanie and Jared committed suicide. All it took was the swallow of a pill, and the job was finished. We only found out about it through news reports."

"Poor Layla," I whispered, shaking my head a little. Ethan laughed coldly, seeming to find my comment amusing.

"She blamed Wanda," He told me, "She said that if she hadn't been so selfish and had attended the raid, her parents never would have been caught. She knew it wasn't a valid argument, especially since she was one of the people who agreed she had a right to stay home on her birthday, but she was upset. Wanda never really forgave herself for that incident."

"Next question," I said, my tone much more grave this time. "Why did Wanda think you were dead if you weren't? Who told her that?"

Ethan cringed a little, thinking through his answer. "I can't be sure since I wasn't there, but from what others have said it was partially Layla's fault. We'd gone out on a trip to renew supplies again, and she saw our van get pulled over ahead of her. Our instructions are always to go on even if the other is stopped, but she panicked and sped all the way home to get help. We managed to get away from the seekers before anything could happen, but it wasn't easy. When I got home everyone said Wanda was missing, but they were all really glad we were okay. I should have known to ask Doc if he knew what had become of Wanda, but I sort of figured he would have told me. I guess it explains why he was so sad the weeks after that, though."

I nodded, trying to store all of the information. I wasn't sure why any of it interested me, I was mostly sure that the longer he talked, the more time I had to enjoy being on earth.

"One more question," I said at last, filling in an awkward silence. "What's it like? To be human, I mean."

"Huh?"

"What does it feel like to be yourself, and just yourself? What does it feel like to not have anyone else's memories confusing you or influencing you, and to not feel like you're intruding on everyone's emotions just be existing? What's it like to know that you're meant to be who you are, and you'll always just be you? What does it feel like to feel no remorse for living on earth?"

For every word I spoke I could feel my anticipation growing, mounting until I was leaning less than a foot away from him. Ethan met my gaze, a startled, almost frightened look emitting from his orbs.

"I don't know," he admitted at last. "I guess it just has this feeling of freedom that you can only get by knowing you're you, and you'll always be you. That's how it feels now anyway… Before souls took over I don't think anyone even considered it. I suppose it was just a granted fact before."

I nodded, tears coming to my eyes. Quickly I turned away, pushing myself back against the opposite wall. Though I knew it wouldn't matter, I didn't want Ethan to see me crying. It was a foolish, quite human emotion, and I didn't like the fact it was occurring within me again.

"Hey, Honey?" Ethan asked after a few long minutes broken only by my sniffles.

"Yes?" I asked, stifling my sobs.

"What's it like being a parasite? Do you really feel selfless all the time? Do you really never just want to be the first in line for something, or the best at a sport? Is it really all that great getting along with everyone? Can you feel the host inside you like a strong presence, or just a distant memory? Does it get weaker the longer you live there? What's it like to be a soul?"

I lifted my gaze to meet his, shaking my head at him. "I don't know," I whispered. "Why don't you ask one."


	7. Chapter 7: Request

**Chapter 7: Request**

"What do you mean?" Ethan demanded. I was still crying, this time not bothering to hide my tears.

"I don't know what other souls feel like," I whispered, my eyes dropping back to the floor. "I feel confused, and lonely, and horrible all the time. Everyone else around me seems so happy with his or her existence of total peace, and I want to be happy to. I'm not human, and yet I have all the emotions of a human. I don't feel like a soul should, and yet I could never be cruel like a human. I just feel bored all the time, and there's no way to fix it. Now, I finally feel like a person, and it's just because I'm about to be sent to another planet to feel even more confused on."

It was Ethan's turn to apologize this time. "I'm sorry," he whispered. I could tell he was uncomfortable with my crying, but I couldn't make myself stop.

"You can't know what it's like," I murmured miserably. "To feel like an intruder on yourself from the moment you're born. You can't imagine what it feels like to want to go find the only things souls consider dangerous because you have no better memory to go on. There's no way for you to fathom how it feels to see the anguish in two completely soul parents when they miss their human daughter and see their parasitic nature reflected back on them. It's horrible, and yet, I can't make myself wish I was any different because I'm a soul, and wanting to be anything else would be selfish. I can't be angry that you're going to send me away, and I can't be hurt that Layla hates me without ever giving me a chance. I shouldn't even be able to sit here crying, but my childlike human emotions gave way over my sensibility."

"I'm sorry," Ethan repeated, shifting nervously.

"Can we just go?" I asked softly, wiping my tears away.

"Yeah," he said quickly, "That'd probably be best."

I was surprised as Ethan quickly got to his feet and offered me a hand up. Then again, I supposed it wasn't as though he had a problem with souls, just with me. Reluctantly I accepted the help, carefully teetering to my feet once more.

"It's this way," He said gently, leading me towards the end of the tunnel.

"I know," I whispered. He gave me a funny look over his shoulder, finally just shrugging. I supposed my knowledge of things I'd never seen still bothered him.

"Can I just say one thing before you make me leave?" I asked him quietly, our footsteps echoing through the tunnel as the only other noise. He didn't answer, though by now I took that to mean it was alright to ask. "Did it ever occur to you that our mother, Wanda, asked what she did because she wanted one of her children to live on earth?"

Ethan's response was immediate and angry as he whirled around to face me. "One of her children does live on earth!"

I sighed, shaking my head. "Never mind. I was just wondering if you'd ever considered that it was your mothers final wish that she be able to share her knowledge as a soul for the better good. Maybe it doesn't matter to humans; they're such complex creatures I really wouldn't be able to tell. It just seemed like it would bother you to ignore your mother's wish. If Wanda was as wonderful as you make her sound, I guess I just wonder why you won't honor her last request."

Ethan's mouth gaped in an odd sort of way that I didn't recognize on him. He seemed surprised by my sudden burst of reason.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to spoil your plans," I muttered, "I'm sure they were very heroic in your mind."

He just stared at me, completely at a loss for words. "What can I do?" He whispered at last, looking down to the floor rather than at me.

"Take me home," I whispered, though even I knew this wasn't one of the options. In all honesty, I wasn't sure I wanted to go back to the boredom of soul life, but I knew that I couldn't stand to think of Honey's parents never seeing her again.

"That's not possible," He said, shaking his head firmly. "You'd tell."

This insulted me a little for some reason, and before I could stop myself I responded. "Would not."

His eyes met mine in a flash and there was something close to amusement in his gaze. "At least you act your age," He murmured.

I could feel myself blush, already wishing I hadn't spoken. "Then take me to Doc," I muttered at last. "Send me to some planet where I can't move, or even think effectively."

"That's what I should do," He said fiercely. Even to my unaccustomed ears I could tell that he was trying to convince himself as much as me. I stared at him, realizing for the first time how painful of a decision my departure must be for him. What was it like for him to know that his mother's memories were in this foreign person, but that I might be nothing like her at all?

"Her memories will go away eventually," I told him quietly. "Then you'll just have me. Don't think of this like a choice between getting your mother back… I'm just another soul. Your only choice is whether you're going to kill a little girl by taking the only thoughts she has in her out."

"Layla's right, you aren't safe to have around," He whispered, still talking more to himself than to me.

"Then let's go see Doc," I said, a little impatiently. I took a step towards his tunnel and felt Ethan's large hand engulf my much smaller one.

"But… You won't tell, will you?" He didn't wait for me to answer, just kept mumbling to himself. "If you have Wanda's memories, surely you'd be more loyal to us than the souls… But if her memories are going to go away…

"What would you do?" Ethan's voice was strained as he looked down at me. "If our places were reversed, what would you decide?"

"I'm not human," I reminded him softly. At his pleading look I decided to continue anyway. "If I was in your place I'd send myself far away as possible so that all the humans are gone by the time I could come back." I said softly.

He smiled a little, seeming glad that I agreed with him. I just looked back towards the tunnel, a memory suddenly resurfacing stronger than any had for a while.

I could see a man, Ian, I realized, talking to Wanda. He was scolding her, telling her that she needed to make a decision for herself. He was trying to get her to tell them what she personally wanted done, not what everyone else wanted her to say. It was a hopeless mission, and yet the thought made me smile a little. It must have been nice to have someone who wanted to know what she wanted done.

Ethan was watching me suspiciously, apparently having noticed my sudden smile.

"What?" he demanded cautiously.

"Just a memory," I said, shrugging a little.

"What was it about?" he asked softly.

I just shook my head. "You'd say I was making things up to help myself."

"Try me," He insisted.

I sighed a little, looking back towards the tunnel. "I saw Ian, your father, talking to Wanda. He was trying to get her to tell him what she wanted to do about something, but all she ever answered was what would be best for everyone else. It was a ridiculous thing to do."

"No it isn't!" Ethan's voice was hard and furious this time. I looked back at him in surprise. "It's not ridiculous that he wanted Wanda to pick for herself."

"It is when she's a soul," I answered coolly. I could see Ethan staring at me, seeming to try and force himself into asking something.

"What do you want?" He whispered.

"I already told you-" I began.

"No, you said what I wanted to hear. You said what you'd do if you were me. You never told me what you wanted me to chose."

The next answer came more easily than I expected. "I told you I wanted to go home."

"You said you were bored at home, why do you want to go back?"

I tried to take a step forward but Ethan's hand was still curled firmly around mine. I didn't look at him this time, just stared at my feet and said nothing.

"What do you want, Honey?"

"I don't know," I told him honestly. "It doesn't matter anyway."

"Never say that," he answered fiercely, "It does matter."

I looked up at him, feeling exhausted. "Did Wanda ever make a single decision for herself in all the time she was here?"

"Yes," Ethan said, surprising me. "She decided to make you."


End file.
